Steve: Twister of Physics

Steve. The Player. Minecraft Man. Whatever you know him as, Steve is a master of twisting the laws of physics for his own benefit. And at being incredibly wasteful. I know variations on this theme have been done a few times, but I wanted to marshal my thoughts on the matter.

The Invisible Leather Tardis
Ever played D&D? Been one of those players who end up carrying 12 spears as well as a couple of chainmaille suits and a bag of gems to boot – and still manage to walk down crowded streets and fit through doorways? What you are using isn’t a backpack, its an invisible leather tardis. Steve can carry 2240m3 of material in his pockets, with a further 64m3 in his hand (hand, singular!) for a total of 2304m3 of stuff. Hats off to you Steve, you can carry a 5 story house without anyone seeing it.

But this super power is not infallible. Sixteen eggs takes up a space in which we could normally fit 64m3 of stuff. So maybe he’s limited by weight? No. Steve can carry 64m3 of diamond in that same space, for a weight of 225.28 tonnes (incidentally, that means that steve can carry 8110.08 tonnes in total, plus his armour). Maybe his carrying capacity is based on calorific content? Or possibly liquid weight? Steve can only carry one full bucket per inventory space after all.

The Visible Wooden Tardis
Chests. From four cubic meters of wood, Steve can enclose a (little under in the newer versions of minecrack) cubic meter of space. On the inside, that cubic meter is rather larger however. 1728 times larger. This isn’t quite as impressive as his pockets, but it’s still quite a feat. If the chest is cubic on the inside as well as the outside, that means the walls of the chest are a maximum of 2.95mm thick. That’s pretty impressive workmanship considering he’s only using wooden tools and his own hands (a workbench only has wood as a component). That leads us nicely on to…

Steve is an incredibly skilled craftsman. He can turn a cubic meter of wood into 4 cubic meters of wooden planks with his hands. Not only must his hands be hard as nails, but his ability to quadruple the volume of the material is fantastic. However, he can only turn two cubic meters of planks into four sticks. It’s somewhat amazing that he can do this with his hands too, but each of these sticks is much lower in volume than half a cubic meter, so Steve has whittled these sticks amazingly badly. Two of these sticks along with three cubic meters of either wood or stone is also a fairly wasteful volume of material just to make a pickaxe.

Steve also wastes a lot of meat/skin when he slaughters beasts. A cow gives anywhere from 1-3 raw beef, and 0-2 leather. Does he butcher them with a hammer? Speaking of cows…

The Amazing Dairy Farmer
A bucket of milk from a cow in one sitting. That’s not too far-fetched. How about a bucket of milk from a cow in an instant? How about a cubic meter of milk from a cow in an instant? Steve – I salute you.  Even if you can’t get it out of the bucket without making a cake from it.

The dark side of the Steve
Steve’s hands block light. Walking through a pitch black cave while holding a (stack of) torch(es), have you ever wondered why it’s still pitch black?

Minecraft – a realistic world simulator.

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